so I'm not feeling bad anymore

I've worked four days this week and I've made three sales. That makes eight. Yeah, baby.
And it's all because I've forgotten about everything else and I've run to every door. When I'm selling, I'm hunting. This is all-new philosophy.

I'm busy! We work new hours now, noon to nine. Now I have one purpose and that is to keep busy and make money. I'm happy. I know, a week ago I was stressed about an unrequited relationship, but that's over now, and I have nothing to complain about.

Yesterday Wednesday my mom and Rebecca called me to ask how I was feeling, and neither of them knew the whole story with Justin so I had to retell it twice. It didn't make me feel better at all, it just made me realize how self-centered and self-righteous I've been. I watched this nasty stuff come out of my mouth and it didn't make me feel better, it didn't make them feel better, and it certainly didn't do any good for Justin or his friends. I hate badmouthing, man. I hated the feeling it was giving me and it was worse than anything he had ever done to me. So that's cut out. I don't ever bring up the Justin story anymore, and when I'm asked about it, I don't go into detail and it's shortened down to one or two vague sentences. Like, "We broke up. Yup." Too sad. I used to think he was scum, and that he was intentionally tearing me down, but now I don't think so. He is a good person. He is. He just wants to party and be a rock star, and I wouldn't sustain that. That was his real reason for creating distance, for transitioning out, and it's not something he'd want to admit.

WELL THEN. I'm glad that's sorted out in my brain.

Tonight Mother Grizzly played, at Zoe's party, and I have no pictures but I'm hoping I can mooch off of Kate Hansen or whichever girl brought her tiny pink camera. We played one song, and it was cut short because none of us knew what we were doing, with Nicole and Rebecca gone. Nicole was drrrk when I called her and Rebecca had somewhere to be so, oh well, we screwed around in front of everyone for a few minutes. But the best part was when Jamie and Jon Lucas and Alex Rosen and Colin Ring came up and it was just me and them and we jammed SO TIGHTly. I used the uke which was so easy and it sounded really good! Best combination! So I'm really happy tonight. I'm really excited that I got to jam after like a year and a half of nothing close to original music-making. UGH! LOVE!

Anyway,